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Showing posts from May, 2010

Rethinking the Purpose of Dating

I have been on this odyssey of self-discovery and, at the same time, trying to understand how to navigate this tricky road of male-female relationships. Obviously what I have been doing isn't working. I have had several long-term relationships that lasted 2-3 years. Most of them lasted way too long, but by the time I figured out it wasn't going to work, I was too invested to just call it quits. It seemed easier to stay and try and work things out rather than start over with someone new. Of course, every time you are in a 2-3 year relationship that isn't going anywhere, that is 2-3 years you have put off meeting someone else that could be right for you.

So I started looking at how I had been dating. I was dating to marry. If I met a guy online or wherever, I would line him up with what I was looking for in a husband. He had to be stunningly handsome, a strong Christian, and financially secure. And if he had tattoos, a motorcycle, or played the guitar, it would be a bonus. I…

Enabling: What's the Problem?

I remember when Dr. Phil first came out, one of his "hot words" was enabling. This is a word I know all too well. I am a recovering enabler, and I know many, as well. I am here to speak out against enabling, explain what it is, what's the problem, and what you can do about it.

What is it? At the very basic level, enabling means that you don't allow someone to deal with the natural consequences of their behavior. Every time we make choices, there are consequences or effects of making those choices, whether positive or negative. Based on the consequences, we can then decide if we want to continue to make the same choices or choose something different. If you stick your finger in a light socket, you get a shock. More than likely, you won't choose to stick your finger in there again, unless you like pain. Enablers take the consequences of a loved one's choices upon themselves. Here are some examples:Your son tells you that he has homework, and he has to go to the …